Fluffy Blue Candies and Little Pink Plus Signs
by Kathythetwisted
Summary: Fred n George. MPREG. NO TWINCEST. May be slash later on. The twins experience the downside of trying each of their products themselves. Better summary inside. DISCONTINUED, probably forever. Sorry to the recent alerters!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or locations.They all belong to J.K. Rowling.

Summary: Set during Harry's 6th year. Fred and George have a successful joke shop in Diagon Alley and things are going great until... Fic showing the downside of the twins testing _every _product on themselves. The moral of the story is: Eating too much candy will get you pregnant. Or something like that. XD Enjoy.

Warnings: MPREG, possible slash later on. AU, cuz I don't plan on really explaining HOW it is boys are ending up pregnant in all of my stories. NO TWINCEST!

This is supposed to be funny, people, so don't take it too seriously, mmkay? If you likey, I'll add more to this, and in longer chapters.

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Chapter 1

It was summertime at the Burrow, and dinnertime as well, on this particular evening. Every member of the Weasley family was present, minus Percy, who was still being an ignorant ass-kisser at the Ministry of Magic, where both he and his father worked. Despite their mutual employer, the two weren't currently on speaking terms, and rarely saw each other.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley sat at the table, next to Bill, Charlie, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George. Harry was there as well. He had been sprung from the Dursleys especially early this year, and was thrilled with the prospect of spending the majority of the summer holidays with his friends.

"So..." Fred began, knowing George would pick up right where he left off.

The transition from one twin to the other was flawless, as always, and never ceased to amaze Harry. It was strange how in sync Fred and George were. "You know how you keep bugging Bill and Charlie about grandkids?"

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked at Bill and Charlie, who shook their heads. Neither one of them had a bun in the oven, thank you very much.

"Well, brothers, it looks as though you're off the hook," Fred said.

"What?" Bill and Charlie both asked simultaneously, clearly confused.

"And Mum and Dad will still get their grandkids," continued George.

"So, everybody wins," Fred said.

George nodded. "No need to thank us."

Faces paled, jaws dropped, and Ginny choked on whatever she had spooned into her mouth a moment before.

"Oh dear Merlin," Mr. Weasley muttered, rubbing his temples.

Mrs. Weasley's hand flew up to her mouth and she gasped.

"Pass the potatoes, Ron," Fred said, completely oblivious to the shock on his parents' faces.

Wide-eyed and slack-jawed, Ron obliged.

"Don't tell us one of you got...got..." Mrs. Weasley couldn't even finish her sentence. "well, _you know_."

"We know," Fred said.

"And we weren't going to tell you _one_ of us got-" George paused and looked to his twin so they could complete the statement together.

"_You know_." Both twins flashed their horror-stricken parents a mischievous smile.

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A/N: Any good? Should I post more? Please review. And don't bother flaming me, I don't really care that much. 


	2. Fred n George's Famous Knock Me Up's!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or locations. They all belong to J.K. Rowling.

Summary and warnings are listed at the top of Chapter 1.

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Chapter 2

It was midmorning at number ninety-three, Diagon Alley, the location of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. It was empty inside the small shop, except for its owners and operators, Misters Fred and George Weasley. It was actually for the best that they were having a slow morning, because they had a somewhat urgent task to complete before things got busy. That "urgent task" just happened to be removing a certain item from their shelves. To use Muggle terminology, it was a _recall._

"Got an owl from Angelina," George said. He was removing several small boxes from a shelf and placing them on the counter.

Fred nodded, from his position behind the counter. "Yeah?" he asked, opening a box. He began counting its contents.

"Yeah," George confirmed.

"What'd she have to say?" Fred asked.

"Just wondered what we were up to," George replied with a shrug.

"Why do people always assume we're up to something?" Fred had finished counting one box, and was about to move onto another.

"Beats me."

"And how is our dear Angelina doing?"

George put the last of the boxes on the counter, and stepped up next to his twin. "She spent a day in St. Mungos. Fell on her broom." He opened a box and proceeded to count the candies inside, just as Fred had been doing.

"Fell _on_ her broom? Don't you mean fell _off_ her broom?" Fred asked.

"Nope," George replied, very quickly and with a sly grin.

Both twins laughed. Sensing another person -- three persons to be exact -- nearing them, they both looked to the door.

"Harry, Ron! And Hermione too!" Fred shouted, cheerfully.

"What brings you three here?" George asked, smiling big.

"Shopping," Harry insisted, a little too quickly.

"Shopping. Of course," Fred said.

It was then that George asked, "So, how are Grams and Gramps? Now, I'm just asking. I'm not implying that you two are here on their behalf or anything,"

"They're fine. You two've put a load of gray hairs on both their heads, but they're coping," Ron said, approaching the counter. He looked into an open box of what looked to be perfectly harmless candy. Twelve little candies stared back up at him. They were the color of the sky, fluffy and terribly inviting. Sure, they _looked_ harmless. But Ron, of course, knew better. They couldn't be too bad, though, if Fred and George were about to put them all out on the shelves.

"Good, good," Fred said, with a satisfied nod.

"Hang on a minute-" Hermione said, "what did you mean when you asked 'How are Grams and Gramps?'"

"Nothing gets past Hermione," George remarked.

"Not a thing," Fred agreed.

"Our dear Ron didn't tell you?" George asked.

"No. Tell me what?"

"No, I didn't tell her. If you want to tell her, tell her." Ron reached for one of those oh-so-tempting light blue candies. "So what do these do?"

Just before the candy touched Ron's lips, George swooped in and snatched it out of his hand. "No, no, Ron."

"Oi George! What's the big idea?" Ron whined, upset over the loss of his candy. "I would've paid for it."

The twins sniggered.

"That's one way of putting it," Fred said.

"What?" Ron asked. "What's it do?"

"Mum and Dad would _murder_ us if you ended up pregnant too. So hands off, Ronniekins, all right?" George said, with a nod, lightly dropping the candy back into its box.

"So that's how it happened!" Ron shouted, his freckled face lighting up with a mix of relief and triumph. He had been very curious as to how his seemingly _single _brothers had conveniently ended up pregnant at the same time. Though he had wanted to, he wasn't brave enough to ask them just how they had conceived and why, and more importantly, with whom, since neither seemed to have any romantic ties. They were just too busy with their new business for girlfriends, or boyfriends -- Ron didn't know anymore. All he knew was that the only people Fred and George spent a lot of time with these days were, well...Fred and George.

"Of course that's how it happened."

"What!" Hermione shouted.

The twins nodded.

"But does that mean that...? Of course it does." She paused, to try to regain her composure. "Which one of you is it?" she asked, rather calmly.

"Which _one_ of us?" Fred asked.

"Oh no," Hermione almost squeaked.

"Oh yes," George said, practically beaming.

"But- both of you?" she asked, feebly.

"That's right," Fred said.

"Unbelievable," Hermione said, breathlessly. She didn't seem so horrified anymore.

"Come on, Hermione. You can't be _that _surprised. They do everything together," Ron muttered.

"We do not," George said, seriously.

"That's a rumor," Fred continued.

"And if we ever find the person or persons who started that rumor-" George added.

"They'll be lucky if we don't shove a whole box of these down their throats." Fred finished the statement.

"I really can't believe you two," Hermione said, flatly, arms crossed, somewhat defiantly.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George stood in silence for a moment, before Hermione finally spoke. "What's in them? How long before it took effect? How long before you both knew?" she asked, almost excitedly.

Ron raised an eyebrow.

Harry asked, "Hermione?"

"Oh, don't look at me like that, you two. This is...it's incredible. It really is. This is a major breakthrough."

"Breakthrough?" Harry asked, obviously taken aback by Hermione's reaction. He and Ron had brought her to the twins' shop secretly hoping that when she found out, she would lecture them about how irresponsible they were, and what were they thinking reproducing at a time like this, unmarried, at their age, with Voldemort on the loose and everything.

"Just think about all the infertile couples out there. This could very well be the answer they've been looking for."

"Bloody hell," Ron muttered.

Of all the possible outcomes, he never would've guessed Hermione would jump on Fred and George's bandwagon. In fact, he was all but certain she would run screaming from number ninety-three, Diagon Alley the second the news reached her ears. Well, no. Maybe not. She would probably put those two in their place first, _then _run screaming from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

"I'm sure you two could make good money if you were to sell that concoction of yours for research into infertility. It's never to early to start setting aside money for your children, you know. You should really think about it. Of course, I'm sure the medi-witches would want to have a look at you both as well. I'm sure there will be a certain amount of testing involved, before they agree to anything. You know, to make sure everything is going all right. Everything is going all right, isn't it?" Hermione asked.

The way in which the next few moments unfolded was almost surreal. Hermione followed Fred and George around the shop, asking them questions, nodding and making mental notes, offering helpful suggestions and insisting she would be more than happy to accompany them to St. Mungos "whenever, and for whatever reason, so long as it didn't interfere with her studies."

Harry and Ron, on the other hand, had been enlisted to transport the boxes of what the twins were now calling "Fred and George's famous knock-me-up's" to their storeroom. Though the boxes hardly weighed a single pound each, on Hermione's orders, the twins weren't to lift anything even remotely heavy in their condition. They were enjoying themselves too much to stick up for Harry and Ron, or at the very least, chime in and tell Miss Bossy-Boots that carrying a stack of candy boxes about ten feet did _not _count as "heavy lifting."

"Well then, is that all of them?" Hermione asked.

"That's all of them," Ron deadpanned.

"You're absolutely sure?"

"We're sure," Harry chimed in.

"Good. Because we certainly don't want these falling into the wrong hands, do we?" Hermione asked.

Ron suspiciously eyed his brothers. "Oh, like _that_ would ever happen."

"Oh, come off it Ron. We didn't slip them to anybody. In fact, we didn't sell a single box," George said.

"Which makes it that much more curious..." Fred mused.

"Makes what that much more curious?"

"We were missing one," George explained.

"One..._box_?" Harry asked nervously, and rightfully so. He was already imagining the mayhem that would cause. He could practically see the Daily Prophet headline now: _Unnaturally Fertile Weasley Boys Impregnate Selves, As Well As 12 Local Wizards With Mystery Candy!_

Fred and George both laughed, and Harry figured there was a good chance they were also imagining the mayhem that would cause.

"No. One single candy. Unless we miscounted when we packaged them," Fred said.

"Always a possibility," George agreed, with a nod. "We think somebody probably stole one when we weren't looking."

"So, we figure they deserve it," Fred said.

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A/N: Done. For now that is. Hope everybody's enjoying it so far. So, did the twins miscount? Or did someone else get a hold of one of "Fred n George's Famous Knock-Me-Up's"? And who? Let me know what you all think. 


	3. I think I'm having a flashback

Summary and warnings are listed at the beginning of Ch. 1.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or locations.They all belong to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: Pregnant Voldemort! ROFLMAO! I ALMOST went with that! (But only with permission, of course) Draco and Snape both crossed my mind as well. What can I say? Great minds think alike. I have decided that there _was _a missing candy, and that someone did get a hold of it. But who...? I've made my final decision on who it is, and it shall be revealed by the end of this chapter. Sorry I was dragging butt on updating this, and also sorry that this chapter kind of sucks. I was sort of in a hurry to post this.

Thanks loads to my reviewers. Seeing your reviews always makes me smile. Also, I have a couple of flashbacks in this chapter.

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Chapter 3

Seeing Fred and George sitting at the kitchen table around breakfast time wasn't an unusual sight. They were often found working at that very table, making notes, or bouncing ideas off of one another, or laughing at something only they understood. However, the sight of Fred and George at the kitchen table, completely silent, slumped over in their chairs, and with their heads down was something completely foreign to Harry and Ron. Even more bizarre than that would be the fact that Mrs. Weasley seemed completely oblivious to her ailing boys. She whistled and hummed as she prepared breakfast.

"Morning Ron, Harry," she greeted them, happily.

"Morning," Harry reciprocated.

"What's wrong with you two?" Ron asked, eyeballing his brothers. "Oh, right. Morning Mum."

"We're dying," Fred muttered, not bothering to lift his head from the tabletop.

"Fred Weasley, neither of you is dying," Mrs. Weasley said.

"Am too. Ask George."

There was a brief silence, then George mumbled, "The table smells funny."

Ron and Harry exchanged a look, both finding the remark amusing, but not sure if they should laugh or not.  
"Oh, I give up. Everything smells funny to you two today," Mrs. Weasley said, with a sigh. "The food, the table -- _everything!_"

"I think I'm gonna throw up," George said.

"Me too," Fred said.

"Again," George said.

"Me too," Fred said.

"Something you ate?" Ron mocked.

Both Fred and George lifted their heads from the table just enough to glare at Ron.

"Hey now." Mrs. Weasley gave Ron a look as well. "Hungry?"

The twins both groaned.

* * *

_Just take it,_ he told himself. Besides, they'd never suspect of petty theft, not being who he was. Never. They'd never even suspect him of even being inside of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. He was far too respected within his circle of friends, and far too loathed by his rivals and enemies. It had to be a doppelganger. 

The funny thing about it all, was that they spoke to _him_. Those insufferable redheaded morons spoke to him. Greeted him, welcomed him to their shop. He had given them a look, of course. A look that told them they were beneath him. He wasn't shopping in their crummy establishment for his own pleasure. In fact, he wasn't shopping at all. He was on a mission of sorts. And his mission had just gotten that much easier.

Harry, who just happened to be in the store as well, had caught the eye of one twin, who nudged his brother. Harry had looked rather pathetic, and he figured Fred and George were going to try and cheer him up. Not that Potter deserved any cheering up, as far as he was concerned, though the distraction was welcome. As he watched the twins try to squeeze a smile out of Harry, he slyly slid the lid off of a box of some sort of candy. He proceeded to take one candy and drop it into his pocket. He put the lid back on the box, and exited the joke shop unnoticed, and completely unaware of what he had just stolen.

* * *

The kitchen cleared out just seconds after breakfast. Even Fred and George had managed to get up from the table. Because morning sickness or not, they had a business to run. They had both gone missing for a few minutes, which led both Harry and Ron to speculate that neither one of them had been able to keep their meal down. 

"Hang on a minute," Harry called out to the twins, as they prepared to head off to work.

They both turned around. They were scowling, pale and easily as moody as they had been before and during breakfast.

"What do you two want now?" George asked, seeming testy.

"I've been thinking."

"That's great, Harry. Well, see you later," Fred said, prepared to walk away.

"I've been thinking about how you two said someone else may have taken one of those...candy things you guys made."

"And?"

"Well, if they ate it," Harry began.

"They're probably in the same boat as you two right now." Ron chimed in.

"What a tragedy," George muttered.

"You guys don't have any idea who might've taken that candy?" Ron asked.

The twins both looked at Ron, but neither responded.

"Fred?"

"Let's see, I've been puking my guts out all morning, I know what'll make it better! An interrogation from 'the boy who lived' and his sidekick, Ron 'this close to being knocked up himself' Weasley!" Fred snapped.

"Sorry," Harry and Ron both mumbled, somewhat sheepishly, and took a step back.

"Don't mind him," George began, innocently enough. "He's just moody because you two are so bloody annoying. Anything else?"

Harry and Ron shook their heads. The twins made their exit. Harry and Ron decided to just let them be. Fred and George were a force to be reckoned with under normal circumstances. And these were most definitely _not_ normal circumstances. Both Harry and Ron were quite certain they wanted nothing to do with _hormonal _Fred and George. They would just have to figure it out without those two, whether or not someone else ingested one of Fred n George's Famous Knock-Me-Ups.

* * *

"Did you do it?" 

"Of course I did. Did you ever doubt me?"

Two stocky, rather dopey looking guys shook their heads.

"Right then. Let's see if this stupid thing even does what it's supposed to."

"You mean, you didn't get any for us?"

"You want something, steal it yourself. Like I did. On _your_ stupid dare." And with that, Draco Malfoy ate the fluffy blue candy he had pilfered from the Weasleys' shop just a few moments before.

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A/N: Well? Hope nobody has any objections to my choice of who got a hold of that other candy...I sort of went with the reviews on this one. Draco got two mentions in my reviews so I chose him. :) Sorry again, that this chapter kind of sucks. 


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